Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Pulling Punches & Pursuing Peace


Two weeks into the school year and it has already happened -- what the headmaster warned me was imminent during his Back to School Night address.  A daughter burst through the door yesterday, breathlessly reporting on a controversial discussion that occurred in a classroom with our very favorite science teacher, Emily Durrell.  (Who gave permission to be identified, in case you were wondering.)

After waiting for the excited rush of information to finally wind down, I firmly planted said child on the sofa, soothed her with an after school snack and started digging for the full story.  No small task when dealing with an eighth grader!  

I mentioned that it might be a good idea to contact the teacher for some clarification, which went over like a lead balloon, as expected.  So a deal was struck that the e-mail would not be sent without her final approval, to avoid being labeled as "that family."  (You know, the family who raises eyebrows at every turn, most especially when theology is involved.)  Ah, the delicate balancing act of every science and religion teacher at a Christian school!



The e-mail was written, edited once or twice and eventually sent, accompanied by prayers for grace and peace.  Hours later and Voila! an equally gracious response from Mrs. Durrell, who actually expressed her gratitude for the inquiry.  A quick and easy discussion filled in the gaps, informed both sides, and established an even closer connection for whatever future drama is sure to unfold in the eighth grade classroom.  



Bless you, Emily, for welcoming our questions, for your wisdom and patience, for helping me teach my daughter why God's prescription for conflict is always the best:  "If your teacher says something you find offensive, don't make assumptions, don't let it fester, don't gossip to your peers.  Ask Mom for wisdom, and then approach your teacher privately and with an open heart.  Gain all the blessings of working through the conflict together -- increased communication, trust and confidence in your teacher's goodwill.  And don't forget the end of my promise: that where two or three Christians are gathered together, I am in the thick of it with them -- even in the midst of their conflict!"  Matthew 18:15-20, liberally SarahPhrased.  (This last verse I find most often quoted regarding worship, when in actuality it is God's finishing touch on dealing with conflict.  How good of Him to remind us that we don't enter the fray alone!)


 
As always, His ways are perfect, and Daughter goes to school today with increased faith, increased confidence, increased love and respect for her teacher.  Praise be to Jesus, whose wisdom is first and foremost meek and peaceable.  Our perfect example, our perfect instructor, our patient Savior.  



James 3:13  “Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 17 .... the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”




Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Good & Guilty Motherhood

I recently bought this plaque and put it on the windowsill above my kitchen sink.  Granted, it was an attempt to remind my ex-husband that I'm a good mom despite the usual messes around my house.  And truthfully, I don't have sticky floors and a dirty oven, but that's only because I am quick to clean up spills but slow to clean up crumbs.  Also, I have a self-cleaning oven.

But take a quick tour of my house and there are things you will notice.  Dust bunnies in the corners and peeking out from under the furniture.  The faint smell of kitty litter that always seems to need scooping.  Shoes and books and occasional dirty dishes left in odd places by my children.  Always a basket of laundry acting as a plastic dresser instead of a tool to move clothes directly from the dryer to the drawer.  So yes, I have a mostly organized but generally sloppy house.  I can always find my car keys but would never eat food off the floor.  Except for chocolate.

As long as I'm being forthcoming, the real reason for buying the plaque is insecurity.  See, I'm a good Mom.  I know I'm a good Mom.  I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a good Mom, but I feel like the best Mom would be doing all that I do with my kids while at the same time having a perfectly clean house.  I'll admit, I don't know any Mom like that.  June Cleaver comes to mind but no one in the real world.

And now I'm having second thoughts about the plaque and am considering taking it down, because I don't think the opposite is true, either.  I don't think Moms with clean houses are bad Moms.  I don't think they're ignoring their kids, even if they don't allow playdough or confetti or moon sand to cross the threshold.  In fact, I'll bet those Moms are looking for plaques that say things like "Good Moms Strike a Balance Between Housekeeping and Parenting."  I don't want to offend any of my somewhat germophobic friends who might wander into my kitchen and think I make the bold assumption that their parenting is lacking because their house is cleaner than mine.

Here's the bottom line:  We are all walking that fine line, balancing fun quality family time with mountains of laundry and dishes and paperwork.  It's a common frustration and there's no simple answer, only what works for you and your kids and your house and your family.  And your comfort levels.  Personally, I can live with a bit of a mess if it means a few more minutes to snuggle my girls.  But if another Mom spends those extra minutes picking up, I'm not going to judge her for it, and who knows what precious moments she's carved out for her kids while letting a different chore slide?

"Her children rise up and call her blessed.  Her husband also, and he praises her."  Proverbs 31:28

Okay, so the ex-husband rolls his eyes at the mess occasionally, but I know that my children recognize I'm a good Mom to them, and I'm certain if you asked them they would choose those few moments of snuggling rather than Mom pulling dust bunnies out from under the sofa.

Do not forget the reason that this Mom is called "blessed" by her family.  It's not for her clean house, her impeccable wardrobe or her five-star, home-cooked meals.  Verse ten of the same chapter explains why she is so valuable in her home:  "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."  She is virtuous, despite the dust and dirty dishes!

For all of you Moms who are doing an amazing job of juggling family and home, blessings to you!  I'm thinking about putting up a new plaque:

A reminder to my kids that I love them as well as a reminder to myself -- that God, Lulu and FooFah love me no matter the size of our dust bunnies!