Valentine Schmalentine

Valentine's Day is one big dilemma for me.  There, I said it.

Commercialism aside, it just doesn't make sense.  Happily married couples don't need an assigned day to prove their love with flowers and chocolate because they already have one that would appear to be much more personal:  their anniversary.  To boot, happily married people are likely already finding ways to show their love and commitment every day -- which is part of the reason for their contentment to begin with.  So let's just admit that the rest of us are happy though secretly jealous of that group and push them to the side, shall we?

While I'm at it, can I finally admit that the cynic in me prefers to use "V-Day" instead of Valentine's Day?  V-Day sounds like soldiers storming beaches, or some newly discovered type of venereal disease, and since my February 14ths have traditionally been full of yearning, disappointment and angst (and basically in that order), the nickname fits pretty well.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."  (Proverbs 13:12)  Heartsick is a good word for it, and it's something that no amount of chocolates can satisfy.  You can trust me on this one -- drowning your sorrows in chocolate only leads to weight gain and regret.  Can I get an "Amen?"

And the hopes, dreams and needs that put us in this position aren't wrong -- they're placed in our hearts by our Creator Himself.  Formed in the image of the Holy Three in One who delights in communion within Himself -- and moved heaven and earth to have communion with us, our hearts echo His cry for intimacy.  The earth itself sees the fallout:  "Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up.... an unloved woman who is married...."   (Proverbs 30:21, 23)  The resulting dilemma is that those of us who are not experiencing a healthy, loving relationship are stuck, staring longingly at the tree of life, unable to jump high enough to reach its branches.  

Solution Number One:  Stuff the hurts deep inside, pretend the needs don't exist, harden our hearts and become cynical.  I have tried this.  And it works.  For a while.  And then you are living on half a heart and the ice in your veins leaks into other relationships and you realize it's not any kind of a solution you can live with.

Solution Number Two:  Find a new lover.  

I am not talking Craigslist or e-Harmony here.  See, whether you realize it or not, the Man of Your Dreams has been pursuing you your entire life.  

He collects your tears in a bottle.  Psalm 56:8

He dances over you with joy.  Zephaniah 3:17

He delights in giving you good things.  Luke 12:32

He knows your every thought.  Psalm 139:2

He has good plans for you.  Jeremiah 29:11

He will never fail you.   Deuteronomy 31:6

The list goes on and on, and you can find all the love letters He has ever written to you in the pages of your Bible.  No more Valentine's Days spent hoping that someone will remember your favorite flower, or giving yourself a pep talk when he was completely neglectful all year long but thinks that today's bouquet makes everything better.  No more pressure that this day is somehow an overarching statement of your value for all time.  You are perfectly known, perfectly loved and perfectly accepted by the Lover of Your Soul, whose name is Faithful and True.  (Psalm 18:19, Psalm 23:6, Revelation 19:11)

This morning He kissed my faced with sunshine, sang me a song in a cardinal's voice and flooded my heart with His love, His Spirit and His presence.   "My Lover is mine and I am his."  (Songs of Solomon 2:16)  Flowers and chocolate, indeed!  

Becoming a Fun Mom

Know how you come up with a great response to someone -- an hour after the conversation ends? This occurs to me regularly after a speaking engagement.  Last week's was with a wonderful group of ladies at SVEFC, where I encouraged them to find ways to be a Fun Mom.  A day later my mind is filled with ideas that I forgot to mention, so I thought I'd post them here for any of you with ankle biters who need some inspiration.

If you have a child, you have a Resident Expert On Fun.  It's what children live for, it's how they learn, it's what makes them such a joy and at times such a nuisance.  Moms, we would do well to follow their lead every once in awhile.  And contrary to what you might be thinking, you don't have to neglect all that is necessary and wise in raising children to have fun with them; you just have to learn how to have fun while actually *doing* all those important tasks.  In fact, once you're a Certified Fun Mom, I think you'll agree with me that having fun actually makes your job that much easier!

So here are some ordinary chores and routines and ways to add some fun to the mix while you do them:

Meals

Meals have endless opportunity for fun, simply because you have a whole variety of dishes at your disposal.  Let the kids set the table using the dishes in your china cabinet -- and don't give them any instructions.  They will amaze you with their creativity and the job will be done with no whining!  We have eaten entrees off of platters, emptied juice boxes into wine glasses and used pickle forks and baby food spoons.  Let them raid the cooking utensil drawer, too; there's nothing more fun than watching Dad eating spaghetti with tongs.

Shish kebob sticks are a great way to get kids excited about eating, especially when they don't like what's put before them.  Throw some on the table and let kids design their own bobs. Toothpicks work just as well.

Colored meals are a hit in my home, usually on Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day with a bit of ingenuity and some food coloring.

Our family tradition during dinner is for each person to share three things:  the best event of the day, the worst event of the day, and a "Jesus thing."  (Something they are thankful for, something God helped them with, or a way God spoke to their heart that day.)  These sharing times have become very precious to me and I've discovered really amazing things about my kids through them.  They also give me great insight into what my kids are dealing with and how to pray for them.

Bath Time

Kids who weren't so excited about bath time at my house were allowed to sit on the edge of the tub soaking their feet while I read them a short book.  By the time we were done reading, they were almost always all the way in.  Throw your measuring cups at them and any other small containers you have on hand.  Go through their plastic animals and sort them into baggies, then have a "frog bath" one night and a "duck bath" the next.  Shaving cream is a huge hit in our home; it suds up like no bubble bath can and is great for body painting.

Picking up the House

Give every kid a laundry basket and tell them they have two minutes to pick up anything of theirs that isn't where it belongs.  Give some kind of reward to the kid who collects the most stuff or to everyone who collects at least 20 items.

Laundry

Getting your kids involved in this chore is going to take patience because you can do it so much more quickly on your own, but now is the time to teach them because young children are usually eager to help at this stage.  Teach kids the types of loads you normally run (whites, colors, permanent press) and have them sort.  Even better -- stand with your arms held out in a circle and see if they can make baskets through your arms while they throw clothes in piles.  Of course, do this only if you are willing to get hit in the face with dirty underwear once or twice!  Or have the kids create the "baskets" and you do the sorting.  Our family always yells out the load name while throwing each piece -- something like a cheer.  "White!  Permanent Press!  Reds!  Darks!"  Let kids measure detergent and pour, and if you're feeling especially silly, let your kids sit on top of the washing machine during a spin cycle.  Don't ask me for any ways to make putting laundry away fun, though, because I haven't discovered any!  Add a comment if you have any ideas!

Bedtime

Bedtime is incredibly easy to fun-up.  Instead of sending your kids upstairs to put on jammies, give them a theme for their dreams.  "Tonight I think you should dream about fairies.  To make it easier, why don't you go to bed in fairy clothes."  Every house I know of has some kind of dress-up clothes,  and you can always set a timer and give them five minutes to surprise you with their choices.  I know, I know, some of you are thinking that they will make a mess in the process, and that their clothes will be totally inappropriate for sleeping.  Talk yourself off the ledge, Mom, if it scratches or is pokey in the night, they will take it off!

Have a Backwards Night and let your kids sleep with their head at the foot end of the bed.

Take every spare pillow you can find in the house and let them make a nest on the floor. (My favorite place to sleep as a kid was in the closet!)

Give them five extra minutes to arrange every single stuffed animal they own around the perimeter of their bed.  Five extra minutes of fun at bedtime is worth it when your kids go to sleep smiling instead of being yelled at by Angry Mom.

Miscellaneous Fun

Institute a No Talking Day.  This doesn't mean you can't communicate, it just means that everything anyone wants to say will have to be sung.  (Do not expect your husband to participate willingly.  It may be helpful to quietly sing in his ear what you are willing to do after the kids are in bed if he chooses to be Fun Dad instead of Rolling His Eyes Constantly Dad.)

Backwards Days are a big hit in my home, which can be as simple as reversing the order of meals.  Kids will love putting on their clothes backwards and even walking backwards if you are a good sport.

Being a Fun Mom doesn't mean neglecting what needs to be done in your home, it just means finding fun ways to do your regular tasks.  The payoff is not only for your children, it's for you, too!

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.... Her children arise and call her blessed."   Proverbs 31:25, 28

Or, if they are three years old, they might simply say, "I have fun with you, Mommy!"